howtoactfereldan | (no subject)

Carefully, Cullen takes Alistair's hand and raises it to his lips.

"Far less diplomacy involved," he agrees. "A much better job, if you ask me."

Alistair's smile returns, more real now.

"I think I'd take any job over being king," he says, "up to and including mucking out the stalls every day. Really dodged an arrow there."

"It would certainly give us more of an excuse to hide ourselves in a convenient hayloft," Cullen agrees, straightfaced.

Alistair snorts.

"The stench might put a bit of a damper on things, though."

Edited 2018-01-04 17:29 (UTC)

"How is it that suddenly you're the one pushing realism?" Cullen muses sadly.

"I've been corrupted," says Alistair, heaving a mournful sigh. "No more flights of fancy. Just sad, sad facts all the time."

"We'll add that to my list of sins." He kisses Alistair's hand again before restoring it to its place, linking their fingers.

A soft laugh.

"It's all right. I'm sure that within a day's time, I'll be back to stories about Geoffrey and his nug friends."

If we're still here, he nearly says.

Instead:

"You could tell me one of those, if you'd like."

His smile warms. "All right."

Alistair settles his arms more comfortably around Cullen as he thinks.

"You might be surprised to hear that they weren't friends right off. Geoffrey can walk a very long distance without tiring -- that's the good part of being made of wool -- but the bad part is that he has to stay out of the rain. If he doesn't, he'll be soggy for days and hardly be able to walk at all.

"And one day on his voyage to find the other small, soft golems of Thedas, what should happen but a terrible thunderstorm. Geoffrey dashed for a cave to wait out the bad weather -- and who should be inside but a pair of nugs also taking shelter from the storm. And nugs, well, they see 'wool' and they think 'warm,' not 'golem.' One of them tried to nibble on his arm to see if she could gnaw a thread loose.

"'Hey!' said Geoffrey. 'Stop that!'

"'You can talk?' the other nug asked.

"'Of course I can talk! I'm a golem!' Geoffrey drew himself up to his full height of approximately eight inches tall, which didn't even brush the top of the nugs' ears. They looked at each other, then at Geoffrey, then back at each other, then back at Geoffrey.

"'You can't be a golem,' one said. 'You're too small.'

'And you smell like sheep,' the other nug added."

"And from this they grow to be friends," Cullen muses. "They're not off to a very good start, are they."

Alistair's stories -- well. Making substitutions in the Chant: obnoxious. Spinning wild exaggerations about Cullen: not great. Alistair's stories are superb.

Cullen may never tell him this. Or maybe for Alistair's birthday.

"I seem to remember us bickering a fair deal when we first met," points out Alistair, smiling. "And look at us now."

He squeezes Cullen's fingers.

"Fortunately for Geoffrey and the nugs, it didn't take years and years for them to befriend each other. It didn't even take hours and hours. Because just as Geoffrey opened his mouth to say something like how dare you insult my honor like that!...heavy footsteps began to shake the cave. Something else was in there with them. Something much bigger than either golem or nug.

"The nugs immediately hid behind a boulder. Geoffrey, however, stood his ground. And out of the dark came a dragonling, looking for a meal that had been lured inside by the storm. This dragonling, for all its size, had terribly poor eyesight -- it's why it chased down the easiest prey it could find. Nugs and small, soft golems certainly fit the criteria.

"'Mmmm,' it said. 'I smell sheep!'

"Geoffrey scowled, but then he realized something: if the dragonling thought he was a sheep, then it would be in for a great surprise once it took a few steps closer. So he stayed silent, and he waited."

"A stupid dragonling to boot," Cullen observes, idly stroking Alistair's hand with his thumb. "There's a difference between sheep and wool."

"Fortunate our hero had the luck to run into the dumbest dragonling in Thedas, then." Alistair's laughing. "Because once the dragonling was close enough, Geoffrey leapt into the air and punched it squarely in the snout.

"Anything can hurt if it's moving fast enough, and Geoffrey's fist, small and soft as it was, still hurt. The dragonling yelped in surprise, sending out a little poof of flame -- but that was all it did. Apparently this angry sheep was going to be more trouble than it was worth, and so the dragonling ran back into the depths of the cave.

"'There!' said Geoffrey. 'Problem solved.'

"...only to be tackled about the waist by both of the nugs, sending them all tumbling head over heels into the rain. Only then did Geoffrey get a whiff of smoke, the sort you get when you pour water over a campfire. Turns out he hadn't been as clear of the dragonling's breath as he thought, and the nugs, in gratitude for saving their lives, saved his in turn."

Beat.

"Though he was rather soggy for a day or two afterward. Still better than being on fire."

"Wool's hard to burn." Cullen closes his eyes, presses more closely against Alistair. "Fortunately."

"Yes," he agrees. "Otherwise there wouldn't be many more Geoffrey adventures to share."

He kisses the back of Cullen's neck; lingers there.

Cullen lets out a soft sigh.

"I've enough saved up," he murmurs, "to take a modest house somewhere. In a village, if we'd like, or just outside. The only thing we'd have to figure out is what we want to do there."

A faint, audible smile. "You could properly write and illustrate the story. Challenge Varric as an author. Leave me to look after the house."

"I'll have to pick a good alias," he muses. "Something plain that he'll never suspect. Then when our battle culminates, I can dramatically pop up from behind a bush and go, 'Ah-HAH! It was me all along!'"

Beat.

"Also," more thoughtful, "I think living just outside a village would be nice. Enough space to run around, but no need to travel five days to see our nearest neighbors."

"Quiet," Cullen says, a little dreamy. "Very quiet. Good."

Alistair chuckles, warm.

"And should the neighbors ever come by when you don't want them around, I'll herd them outside and keep them in conversation for as long as I can."

Content: "I knew there was a reason I loved you."

"I love you too, husband."

He squeezes Cullen gently.

"We make a good team."

"Mm." He laughs quietly. "The funny one and the cross one. That's us."

"The talkative one and the quiet one. The obnoxious one and the polite one."

He's laughing quietly, too.

"We've quite a lot to recommend both of us."

"I protest polite. I think Josephine would also protest polite. We're both quite obnoxious."