Cullen (
howtoactfereldan) wrote2016-06-01 10:23 pm
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Sometimes he feels faintly feverish; the feeling comes and goes. Sometimes his legs buckle from sudden stabbing pain, and sometimes his back spasms. But he hasn't been laid up from the lyrium withdrawal like he was when he decreased his dose too quickly and holed up in Milliways until he could function again.
The lack of sleep's beginning to get to him, though, or something is. It's harder and harder to control his reactions to things, to keep his mind from lingering too long in dark places. As far as he can tell from what he's read, that's normal for this process.
What's worst are the nightmares. He'd thought he slept poorly before. Now -- now there's a vividness, a depth to what he sees in the Fade that he hasn't felt since they sent him away from Kinloch, shortly after the Circle fell, to "level out." That's what they called it when they called him 'snappish,' when they accused him of 'jumping at shadows.'
Cullen's taken to keeping a separate basin in his room for those occasions when he wakes and is then sick shortly thereafter.
The third consecutive night this happens, he rinses his mouth, sits on the edge of his bed, and presses the heels of his hands hard into his eyes. It would be easier to forget this mad plan, to take the lyrium and damn the consequences. Those who live by the sword frequently die by it; he was never too likely to have a long life, and if the Chantry (not to mention all of Thedas) continues this slide into dysfunctional madness, any Inquisition won't serve his lifespan better than the Templar Order. Wouldn't it be better, a voice within him whispers, to be able to leash magic to his full potential? To know he was as powerful as is possible? Doesn't he want to forget everything he's seen, anyhow?
At his feet, Ci whines, and presses herself against his leg.
Cullen breathes out, ruffles her ear with one hand, and wipes the wetness from his eyes with the other.
jackbootJudex began trolling amaranthineIdeopraxist
JJ: Ysa?
JJ: Are you there?
The lack of sleep's beginning to get to him, though, or something is. It's harder and harder to control his reactions to things, to keep his mind from lingering too long in dark places. As far as he can tell from what he's read, that's normal for this process.
What's worst are the nightmares. He'd thought he slept poorly before. Now -- now there's a vividness, a depth to what he sees in the Fade that he hasn't felt since they sent him away from Kinloch, shortly after the Circle fell, to "level out." That's what they called it when they called him 'snappish,' when they accused him of 'jumping at shadows.'
Cullen's taken to keeping a separate basin in his room for those occasions when he wakes and is then sick shortly thereafter.
The third consecutive night this happens, he rinses his mouth, sits on the edge of his bed, and presses the heels of his hands hard into his eyes. It would be easier to forget this mad plan, to take the lyrium and damn the consequences. Those who live by the sword frequently die by it; he was never too likely to have a long life, and if the Chantry (not to mention all of Thedas) continues this slide into dysfunctional madness, any Inquisition won't serve his lifespan better than the Templar Order. Wouldn't it be better, a voice within him whispers, to be able to leash magic to his full potential? To know he was as powerful as is possible? Doesn't he want to forget everything he's seen, anyhow?
At his feet, Ci whines, and presses herself against his leg.
Cullen breathes out, ruffles her ear with one hand, and wipes the wetness from his eyes with the other.
jackbootJudex began trolling amaranthineIdeopraxist
JJ: Ysa?
JJ: Are you there?
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Ysalwen snickers, instead, over in her distant version of Thedas.
CAI: He's very biddable?
CAI: And maybe she likes that little tiny patch of facial hair on his chin?
CAI: And he's very sweet with babies and young children
CAI: Okay that is damning with faint praise
CAI: But I can't look at Nate that way
CAI: It makes the world feel all askew
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JJ: I'm sure you've seen at LEAST one person with enough hair on a mole or what have you that resembles that.... thing.
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CAI: I mean I assume people could keep their moles that well-trimmed
CAI: But why would they?
If she falls out of her chair with laughter, Cullen, it will be all your fault.
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JJ: Did it actually touch her hand when he kissed it?
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Then, with a very pink face --
CAI: I have been told it tickles pleasantly
CAI: We shall say no more of it
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Of all the things --
JJ: Fine. Next topic is yours.
JJ: Tickling is worthy of a topic change. Absolutely.
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CAI: Whatever shall I do with it?
CAI: Um
CAI: Have you talked to anyone in Milliways whose world you might want to visit?
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JJ: Alistair?
JJ: I get the impression that I wouldn't want to go visit Master Vantas in his world.
JJ: Though watching his movies has piqued my interest. Especially the one called Die Hard.
JJ: I don't know how the title relates to the story. But the story's good.
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CAI: Oh! The ones that are like plays but on a screen?
CAI: I've never seen one. Die Hard, you say?
CAI: Maybe we could watch one some time
CAI: Do you think Alistair has seen any, yet, either?
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JJ: I doubt he has, because I suspect he'd never stop talking to the screen.
Cullen just has that feeling.
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CAI: Or try something new?
CAI: Will we have to make Alistair promise not to talk, do you think?
CAI: Or would that be cruel and unusual torment?
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JJ: Yes.
JJ: Yes, I think you might like it a great deal.
JJ: You would find several familiar elements in it, I think.
JJ: We should watch it very soon.
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CAI: Or all of us, if you want Alistair along and we can arrange it
CAI: I'm curious
CAI: (Don't look so surprised! Um.)
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JJ: Utterly shocked.
JJ: When we see each other next, we'll watch it. Though we might want to figure out how to get the movie out of my book and onto yours. Your displays are much bigger.
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CAI: Karkat mentioned something called internet once?
CAI: And I can look in the library for a manual
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JJ: You're far better with this stuff than I am.
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CAI: And Fawkes
CAI: And hours of independent study
CAI: I'm glad it's helping
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CAI: Congratulations!
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Cullen cracks his knuckles a little, smili-- smirking. Definitely smirking.
JJ: It is not the only movie I've watched. Just the most satisfying. You'll see.
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CAI: If this is going to give Alistair fuel for mockery
CAI: I will watch it anyway, because I am now insatiably curious
CAI: But consider yourself warned
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JJ: It's just...
JJ: It occurred to me about a third of the way through what kind of story I was watching.
JJ: I found it -- how to put this.
JJ: Personally relevant.
JJ: And as I am sure you can imagine, if it were personally relevant in a way that would give Alistair anything he could use, I'd insist we leave him out of it.
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CAI: I trust you
CAI: I'm sure this movie is going to be very, very interesting
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JJ: Now you've got me worried you won't like it.
He's not really worried about that.
Really.
JJ: I suppose I ought to feel guilty if you don't.
JJ: But I probably won't.
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CAI: Really
CAI: And if you do feel guilty for some reason
CAI: I will get Liranan and Ci to sit on you at the same time
CAI: And you will be working too hard to breathe to feel guilty
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