howtoactfereldan | (no subject)

Sometimes he feels faintly feverish; the feeling comes and goes. Sometimes his legs buckle from sudden stabbing pain, and sometimes his back spasms. But he hasn't been laid up from the lyrium withdrawal like he was when he decreased his dose too quickly and holed up in Milliways until he could function again.

The lack of sleep's beginning to get to him, though, or something is. It's harder and harder to control his reactions to things, to keep his mind from lingering too long in dark places. As far as he can tell from what he's read, that's normal for this process.

What's worst are the nightmares. He'd thought he slept poorly before. Now -- now there's a vividness, a depth to what he sees in the Fade that he hasn't felt since they sent him away from Kinloch, shortly after the Circle fell, to "level out." That's what they called it when they called him 'snappish,' when they accused him of 'jumping at shadows.'

Cullen's taken to keeping a separate basin in his room for those occasions when he wakes and is then sick shortly thereafter.

The third consecutive night this happens, he rinses his mouth, sits on the edge of his bed, and presses the heels of his hands hard into his eyes. It would be easier to forget this mad plan, to take the lyrium and damn the consequences. Those who live by the sword frequently die by it; he was never too likely to have a long life, and if the Chantry (not to mention all of Thedas) continues this slide into dysfunctional madness, any Inquisition won't serve his lifespan better than the Templar Order. Wouldn't it be better, a voice within him whispers, to be able to leash magic to his full potential? To know he was as powerful as is possible? Doesn't he want to forget everything he's seen, anyhow?

At his feet, Ci whines, and presses herself against his leg.

Cullen breathes out, ruffles her ear with one hand, and wipes the wetness from his eyes with the other.

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JJ: Ysa?
JJ: Are you there?

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JJ: We'll see if you still feel the same after we watch it.

CAI: Now you've made it all ominous
CAI: Congratulations!

JJ: Let's say I eagerly await the moment when you realize what you're really watching.

Cullen cracks his knuckles a little, smili-- smirking. Definitely smirking.

JJ: It is not the only movie I've watched. Just the most satisfying. You'll see.

CAI: I reserve the right to hit you with a pillow and/or Liranan's entire weight
CAI: If this is going to give Alistair fuel for mockery
CAI: I will watch it anyway, because I am now insatiably curious
CAI: But consider yourself warned

JJ: No fuel for mockery. I promise.
JJ: It's just...
JJ: It occurred to me about a third of the way through what kind of story I was watching.
JJ: I found it -- how to put this.
JJ: Personally relevant.
JJ: And as I am sure you can imagine, if it were personally relevant in a way that would give Alistair anything he could use, I'd insist we leave him out of it.

CAI: I understand
CAI: I trust you
CAI: I'm sure this movie is going to be very, very interesting

Cullen blows out a breath.

JJ: Now you've got me worried you won't like it.

He's not really worried about that.

Really.

JJ: I suppose I ought to feel guilty if you don't.
JJ: But I probably won't.

CAI: I don't think you have anything to worry about
CAI: Really
CAI: And if you do feel guilty for some reason
CAI: I will get Liranan and Ci to sit on you at the same time
CAI: And you will be working too hard to breathe to feel guilty

"You wouldn't obey Ysa and not me, would you?" Cullen asks Ci.

Her tail thumps twice; she growls, soft.

"Good girl."

JJ: Ci informs me she'd refuse.

Mabari. What can you do?

CAI: Then you will only have yourself to blame for Pounce
CAI: He is my greatest assistant in shenanigans

Edited 2016-06-06 22:17 (UTC)

JJ: Not Zevran?
JJ: I would think that's the sort of thing that Antivan Crows excelled in.

CAI: Cullen
CAI: Imagine the level of shocked embarrassment you will experience
CAI: When my Antivan husband propositions you while straddling your waist
CAI: And tell me whether you would prefer it to be Pounce instead
CAI: Because I can call him in as support
CAI: But

Cullen is now a tomato. Forever. A weird-looking one, even.

JJ: THAT IS NOT WHAT I MEANT AND YOU KNOW IT.

Also, it is his turn to have discovered allcaps.

CAI: I was just explaining what would happen if I called him in!
CAI: And now you know!

Cullen pulls the blanket tighter around his shoulders. Looks out the window.

It wouldn't be fair, to ask her not to tease when he's like this. Probably deserves it.

It's a long moment before the next message.

JJ: Yes.
JJ: I'll keep that in mind.

CAI: He wouldn't, really
CAI: It would make you the wrong kind of uncomfortable

Ysa telling him not to will probably help, too.

Yes. Yes it would.

JJ: How close to dawn is it there?

If Cullen does not aggressively change the subject, he expects he might well type something he'll regret later.

CAI: Dawn?
CAI: What's that?
CAI: Which is to say, not very close? I'm not entirely sure.
CAI: But the watch hasn't changed yet, so

JJ: Have their on-duty shifts changed, or do they still occur at the same intervals?

Right.

So this got awkward.

Ah, well.

CAI: We stagger them, but it's the same pattern tonight that it was yesterday and the day before
CAI: Why?

JJ: I was just curious.
JJ: Wondered how different it was from what Aveline's got the guard doing at the Keep.

CAI: How does this Aveline of yours arrange it?
CAI: I mean, she's guarding an entire city, as well
CAI: And I'm just responsible for the Vigil
CAI: I mean, Amaranthine has its own guard captain
CAI: Who advises me of his decisions
CAI: But he knows his business
CAI: So I mostly leave him to it.

JJ: She had the benefit of precedent.
JJ: The previous guard-captain, and presumably the ones before him, had already set up all that. It worked, for the most part.
JJ: Of course, sometimes Jeven -- the previous one -- would rearrange patrol schedules to best suit his favorite hobbies, which were embezzlement and racketeering.
JJ: Hence Aveline, who does a much better and safer job than Jeven ever did, or could have done.

CAI: It's nice when guard captains' hobbies involve protecting people
CAI: And putting a stop to the worst of the embezzlement and racketeering
CAI: And murder
CAI: Definitely stopping murder
CAI: It's a shame, I think, that Aveline doesn't seem to come here
CAI: Though maybe not for her, given. Um.
CAI: The bar.

JJ: Oh, I don't know.
JJ: She did run with Hawke's crowd. If she can frequent the Hanged Man in good spirit, she'd be fine.
JJ: Certainly she'd adjust better than I did.
JJ: She was at Ostagar, you know. An officer in Cailan's army.
JJ: I think you'd get on rather well with her, actually.
JJ: Though under the circumstances I'm not about to tell anyone who doesn't discover the place for themselves about the bar.
JJ: We've already had one templar in charge go mad. Don't need anyone thinking we've got another one.

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