howtoactfereldan | (no subject)

Sometimes he feels faintly feverish; the feeling comes and goes. Sometimes his legs buckle from sudden stabbing pain, and sometimes his back spasms. But he hasn't been laid up from the lyrium withdrawal like he was when he decreased his dose too quickly and holed up in Milliways until he could function again.

The lack of sleep's beginning to get to him, though, or something is. It's harder and harder to control his reactions to things, to keep his mind from lingering too long in dark places. As far as he can tell from what he's read, that's normal for this process.

What's worst are the nightmares. He'd thought he slept poorly before. Now -- now there's a vividness, a depth to what he sees in the Fade that he hasn't felt since they sent him away from Kinloch, shortly after the Circle fell, to "level out." That's what they called it when they called him 'snappish,' when they accused him of 'jumping at shadows.'

Cullen's taken to keeping a separate basin in his room for those occasions when he wakes and is then sick shortly thereafter.

The third consecutive night this happens, he rinses his mouth, sits on the edge of his bed, and presses the heels of his hands hard into his eyes. It would be easier to forget this mad plan, to take the lyrium and damn the consequences. Those who live by the sword frequently die by it; he was never too likely to have a long life, and if the Chantry (not to mention all of Thedas) continues this slide into dysfunctional madness, any Inquisition won't serve his lifespan better than the Templar Order. Wouldn't it be better, a voice within him whispers, to be able to leash magic to his full potential? To know he was as powerful as is possible? Doesn't he want to forget everything he's seen, anyhow?

At his feet, Ci whines, and presses herself against his leg.

Cullen breathes out, ruffles her ear with one hand, and wipes the wetness from his eyes with the other.

jackbootJudex began trolling amaranthineIdeopraxist

JJ: Ysa?
JJ: Are you there?

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

JJ: She had the benefit of precedent.
JJ: The previous guard-captain, and presumably the ones before him, had already set up all that. It worked, for the most part.
JJ: Of course, sometimes Jeven -- the previous one -- would rearrange patrol schedules to best suit his favorite hobbies, which were embezzlement and racketeering.
JJ: Hence Aveline, who does a much better and safer job than Jeven ever did, or could have done.

CAI: It's nice when guard captains' hobbies involve protecting people
CAI: And putting a stop to the worst of the embezzlement and racketeering
CAI: And murder
CAI: Definitely stopping murder
CAI: It's a shame, I think, that Aveline doesn't seem to come here
CAI: Though maybe not for her, given. Um.
CAI: The bar.

JJ: Oh, I don't know.
JJ: She did run with Hawke's crowd. If she can frequent the Hanged Man in good spirit, she'd be fine.
JJ: Certainly she'd adjust better than I did.
JJ: She was at Ostagar, you know. An officer in Cailan's army.
JJ: I think you'd get on rather well with her, actually.
JJ: Though under the circumstances I'm not about to tell anyone who doesn't discover the place for themselves about the bar.
JJ: We've already had one templar in charge go mad. Don't need anyone thinking we've got another one.

CAI: I was more afraid she'd start feeling responsible for it
CAI: The bar, I mean
CAI: And I wouldn't wish Security duty on anybody
CAI: Oh. I -- Ostagar? I don't think I ran across her, but then I wasn't in camp for very long before going out to hunt for darkspawn
CAI: The Joining couldn't wait, you see

She does not at all address anything involving madness. Nope.

JJ: I gather from her that there was little enough time for casual socialization, it being a war camp and all.
JJ: And I doubt it. Aveline takes responsibility for anything she deems hers. She recognizes it's a fool's errand to do with a Lowtown tavern, or anything remotely resembling one.

CAI: I like knowing the people around me, when I can
CAI: Chatty or no

It makes her feel safer. Oddly enough.

CAI: Though I suspect I could get possessive over a local tavern, if I were the type to frequent one
CAI: The bar doesn't quite count
CAI: Somehow.

Edited 2016-06-07 03:21 (UTC)

JJ: You and I, we have too many responsibilities to adopt something that unruly without just cause and a great deal of incentive.
JJ: Speaking of which.
JJ: I should let you get back to work.
JJ: Thank you for indulging me.

That's what he'll call it.

CAI: You chased away my headache and my middle-of-the-night-and-everyone-else-is-asleep loneliness, so we'll call it even
CAI: Or I will, anyway.
CAI: Good night, Cullen
CAI: Give Ci a cuddle for me

JJ: Such a hardship. I will endeavor to do so.
JJ: Good night.

jackbootJudex signed off.